Advice for Men from Women WORTH Pursuing…
I may not agree with everything D’Andra says here, but I applaud her for suggesting that men may want to romance a woman…if they really want her.
Here’s Doing it Digitally…Best Dating Practices with D’Andra. After you read it I hope you’ll tell me what you think in the comments below.
“Most of my advice about male/female relationships is geared towards women in general because, why wouldn’t it…I am female!
However, over the years I have received many questions and had many conversations with men asking me for advice about good conduct and best courtship practices when trying to win a worthy woman’s heart. So today’s column is on best manners when dating. Now, please understand, these are men who are sincere about meeting the woman of their dreams, and have come to the point in their life where this is a priority—usually because they have decided it’s time to start a family and/or are just tired of the “one night stand” bar scene.
Now men, we women do appreciate timeless acts of chivalry. In our hearts most of us are old-fashioned and want you to cherish us just as much as you would your brand new Aston Martin. Here are some “starter tips” that women appreciate in men that would urge them to consider a long-term relationship instead of a “shot and roll!” (You figure it out!)
1. When asking a woman for a date, call her on the phone or ask her for the date in person.
2. Once the date is agreed upon, drive to her house and pick her up by walking to her door and escorting her back to the car and opening the car door for her.
3. Speaking of doors, open all of them and hold them all for her. *Theonly exception when a man enters a door before a woman is in a revolving door. The man walks in front of the woman in order to push the door so the woman doesn’t have to.
4. Slide out her chair for her when being seated.
5. Stand anytime she gets up. This means when you are at a table and she excuses herself you stand and pull out her chair, or if you are not seated next to her you stand up in your chair holding your napkin in front of you. When she returns to the table repeat the process! It doesn’t matter if there are two people or ten people at the table, you still stand up. *And if it is not your date or your friend, and the woman is a girlfriend or wife of another man at the table then you still stand up and make the husband or your friend look like an idiot for not standing up for his wife! You will set the example of perfect gentlemanly behavior.
6. On a first date particularly, and if you really like the woman, bring a token of affection (flowers are perfect)!
7. Cell phones- ugh! Do I even need to discuss this? You are trying to woo the woman of your dreams! Turn off your cell phone!!! Receiving texts and calls during a date does not make you look popular or important, it just tells your date she is less important than whoever is on the phone (and in her mind it is ALWAYS another woman) and she doesn’t deserve your full attention.
8. Dating banter 101 – We will discuss this further in later columns, but keep it light and fun. Ask questions but don’t talk to her breasts, yes, we have to mention that! And, don’t talk about your ex and please do not make it the Spanish Inquisition. Dates are always interviews, but don’t be so obvious! It should be a very softinterview in the beginning. Plus the less you learn at first, the more you get to discover on subsequent dates.
9. Compliment your date! Women love compliments! She most likely was as excited or more excited than you about the date, and spent hours trying to make herself look pretty. Her closet is most certainly riddled with “outfit rejects” that she will spend at least 30 minutes hanging up the next day! Complimenting her will make her feel more confident, and she will be more comfortable during the date, and you will too!
10. Always introduce your date if you encounter friends, family or business acquaintances. If you don’t, you look like a conceited egomaniac jerk to your date and everyone else. Plus, it makes the woman feel automatically insecure that you are not proud to be out with her.
11. Don’t show off or be too flashy. Don’t speak of the $1million you made in the stock market yesterday, or the fact that you just ordered the latest Maserati. *And, don’t argue with the waiter about the choice of wine, the year, or the fact that they aren’t carrying that year—happened to me on the first date after he told me he made $1million in the stock market the day before. That first date was my last! The right type of girl won’t be impressed withyour boasting. She will think your compensating for something. No one likes arrogance. Make a great date but be HUMBLE. Humility is a character trait of greatness!
12. Last but not least, the often disputed question…who pays?? Women’s lib can take credit for messing this up for sure—another article for another day. If you ask a woman on a date you should pay. The same goes for inviting a friend out for the first time etc. If you do the inviting you do the paying. *A side note, I have been invited to lunch a few times by other people and they sat there at the end of the meal, check on the table and expected me to pay whenthey called and asked me to lunch??? Well, let’s just say that was the last time I ever had lunch with them. On a first date, to avoid any awkwardness of you both reaching for your wallet at the end of the meal, you may want to surprise her and pay without being obvious. A good tip is to give the waiter your credit card at the start of the evening. It avoids an embarrassing end of night moment. Bonus- you look like you thought ahead and appreciate her!
13. At the end of a date, walk her to the door, say what a wonderful time you had and kiss her on the cheek…that is it! You may also want to ask her for another date or tell her you will call her that week. If you want a weekend date you should call by Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest, but I will discuss this in more detail another time as well.
This week it looks like I have come down hard on rules of dating for men, but I’m not finished. This is just a start! Don’t worry, men, I’m coming after the women next!
Stay tuned.”
Jane’s question:
Women, which of these really matter to you? And men, how many of these do you do?
I’d love to hear your answers!
D’Andra Simmons is a businesswoman and philanthropist. She is the founder of Hard Night Good Morning Skincare and an active volunteer for the Dallas community serving on the Advisory Board of Booker T. Washington School for the Performing Arts, volunteering with the Junior League of Dallas, AIDS Services of Dallas or Cattle Baron’s Ball for the American Cancer Society.
Please hold the applaud!
Wow!
This sounds like someone trying to put together a 1200 horse powered engine that has never put one together!
Sorry, this is not what I read in my author files on women who are looking for LTR(s).
In fact, far from it.
A woman’s point of view…
(speaking in the first person)
1) make me laugh
2) have a sense of humor
3) be a gentleman, but have a little bad-boy mixed in with it.
4) who pays the tab? depends on the situation
5) hold hands, walk side by side.
6) movies, camping, water fronts, flee-markets, garage sales
7) etc., etc.
What is a perfect date?
What man in his right mind could or would try melting into this or these women’s molds!!!!!
Not this Bad-Boy!!!
Have a great day ladies and good luck on your mission impossible!!!! xoxo
You know I love different points of view Mike, but I would sure like to have some of what D’Andra asked for, lol!
Jane, you know the old saying, it happens when you least…
By the way,
I see you play it safe Jane!
No Ph. #
1 800- call Jane!
To hook up!!!! Lol:):):)
Haha no, no phone #:)
Mike,
I am very happily married so my mission is not impossible. My husband does all the things I wrote about and more! Anyone who is around us for five minutes can see we adore each other. So, my method does work. It takes all kinds. You continue your way of dating and I will continue in my blissfully happy marriage! By the way, my husband is a reformed bad boy and doesn’t miss it one bit!
Last time I saw D’Andra’s husband he looked pretty happy:) Jane
Mam!
I’m happy for you and yours!
I don’t date because…
If I did date, she must know how to microwave, pump gas, sweep once a week,
pour me coffee, fry boloney,
make sweet tea!
Just simple things.
If she can cook a lemon pie, I might marry her!
Might!!!!
I think I’ll leave some of these to D’Andra Mike:)
I think a crucial point to keep in mind is what D’Andra began with, ” Now, please understand, these are men who are sincere about meeting the woman of their dreams, and have come to the point in their life where this is a priority…”. These are things a man would/should do when he is dating someone he hopes will be the one-and-only woman for him for the rest if his life. If either, or both parties are not really looking for that type of relationship then other rules and customs very likely apply. But, for someone who is looking only for a good time, casual friendship or a LTR (which I interpret really as just a reliable hookup), being a bad boy or looking for a bad boy is probably appropriate. However, when you are looking for “the one” you probably should make some changes. The old saying, “If you want something you’ve never had before, you are probably going to have to do something you’ve never done before”, definitely applies in this situation. The bottom line is that I believe every one of the things discussed are reasonable and should be practiced with great enthusiasm. It is just reasonable behavior from someone who has an attitude of selfless care/adoration/love for another person.
Exactly. Thanks so much Charles!
A gentleman first and always
I’m assuming that Mike is a lot younger than I am. His ideas are light years from what I was taught and what I’m teaching my 14 year old son.
I was always taught that a gentleman opens doors, hold chairs and stands when a lady enters the room.
A couple of the things that bugs me with today’s youth and their dating habits are: Driving up and honking for the girl to come out and get into the car. It’s a good thing I don’t have girls. They would never go out on a date if that happened. Another is going out to eat and chewing your food with your mouth open. I have no idea why parents haven’t taught their children to chew with their mouths closed, but if I was out on a date and that happened it would be the last date.
I think as a whole we have lost the art of being gentlemen and ladies. While society has become more and more relaxed with it’s rules, we have lost the ability to treat our dates, and I’m mainly speaking of men here, with the respect that they deserve. D’Andra is on to something. More guys need to be taught how to date. Dating today has become a hunt for “hooking up”. That’s not what dating is for. I expect that there will be those who disagree with me, and that’s ok, I disagree with them.
Interesting thoughts Rod, I think D’Andra is on to something too, Jane
I have opened doors!
But never stood up when a woman had to pee!
Why would I?
I don’t expect her to bow when I walk in the room!!!!
Been there, done all these female request! (miserable)
Call for a date
Pick her up
Open the door
Pay the tab
Leave the tip
Etc., I do!!!
This I consider the meat, all that other, I trim off like fat.
Can I just tell you that you might wanna do it, just because she likes it, and those are the guys who get the girls:) Xoxo Jane
I should be malleable?
xoxo
Cell phones! It works both ways ladies.
All but the standing up may I take you out and show you.Jane which of all of these are important to you the most
Thanks so much Rick. I’m “taken” as they say, but that’s kind of you.