Last week in Best Dating Practices with D’Andra we looked at what women want…
This week D’Andra turns that question around and looks at what men want.
And by the way, while D’Andra’s rules can go for dating a man you are just getting to know, they can also be relevant for a woman and man who are already in a loving relationship. Because in the best relationships, the ones that keep their sexual and emotional energy, the courting never really stops.
Here’s Part One of “What Men Want”
“I know a lot of women who think all they have to do is hop into bed with a man on the first date, because they have “what men want”. Actually, they couldn’t be more wrong. What men want is actually much more than that, and giving them what they really want can set the tone for what will become a longer lasting, more respectful relationship.
Last week I wrote about advice for men who want a meaningful and lasting relationship with a woman who IS worth it (subject to one’s own perspective).
This week I promised the men I would address women and what we can do to “up” our dating game and land the man of our dreams. In the end, this is better for the men as well because we (females) are going to allow them to accept the natural role that has been assigned to them inherently through DNA.
Now, this is MY opinion so I am sure it will ensue in some rather lively conversation again this week. Debaters, start your engines…here we go!!
1. Ladies, if you want to start a relationship off right then DON’T ask a man out. This immediately sets the tone for the dating relationship and kills the “man is the aggressor” rule that is the law of nature. The man is the HUNTER, so let him HUNT! If you ask him out then trust me, you will always be chasing after him, and he will never be pursuing you because he doesn’t have to. This results in feelings of inadequacy on the female side, as you will always wonder if he really wants you or if you just pushed him into it for convenience sake. Phone calls in the future (if there is one) will be awkward, leaving you always wondering if you called him at the “wrong” time or if he really wanted to talk to you right then at that moment if he even answers the phone.
*Because women are so good at multitasking, it is hard for us to understand that men in general are not.
A man likes to prepare for a time to call you when he has a chance to focus on YOU. Unlike most women, a man simply isn’t his best when drawn away from a big business deal or a project to speak when you call. It is just not in his nature to switch gears so fast. Meanwhile back at your apartment…you are waiting by the phone willing it to ring—right?? I think all women know what this feels like.
Start the relationship off right! Make him work for you and he will appreciate you much more!
2. A man should be the aggressor, meaning a man should call you, ask you out, and be concerned about impressing you! You should not be the one jumping hoops to get him to pay attention. This is a “beat my chest and impress you” competition at the beginning of a dating relationship. He should be pulling out all the stops if he truly wants to meet the woman of his dreams and thinks you may actually be the one!
3. Keep the conversation light! LISTEN UP WOMEN!!! This is the one complaint men have on a regular basis! I have heard this from men time and again. It goes something like this, “I took Susie out and she was so beautiful but when she opened her mouth it all went downhill fast.” Me: “Why?” Man: “Well, she started talking about her timeline to get married and have children and her biological clock is ticking and she isn’t getting any younger, and she doesn’t want to work anymore but wants to stay home and have babies.” Really? What a date killer! Do not lay out your timeline year by year -even worse adding him in the picture as you are dreaming it out loud. Dreaming is all there will be after that one night, as a normal man will not want to discuss the future on the first few dates. He is still trying to figure out if you two have similar interests and have fun together. Jeez…slow it down! School Zone time in the dating world!
4. And speaking of conversation, don’t bring up exes. The last thing a man wants to spend a date doing (when they are paying for the date and of course they are) is discussing what a JERK your ex-husband or boyfriend was who left you for your best friend that he was cheating with, and how he even took your communal dog with him too! Please! This is when less is more. Leave the gnarly details for later in the relationship. This kind of talk makes anyone look pathetic and who wants sloppy seconds?? That is how a man will think of it.
5. Don’t be a chatterbox! Women tend to manipulate the conversation due to nerves or just plain habit. This is one time to exercise your good judgment and take a tip from Kindergarten. Remember “Quiet Time”, well, it is time to bring it back! Ask a man about himself. Men LOVE to talk about themselves, we just don’t know it because we don’t give them time to get a word in edgewise, as we are too busy talking and formulating our next thought and sentence in our head before we get the last phrase out of our mouth. Take the focus off of you for the moment and listen to what your man is saying without thinking about your next clever come back. Be quiet and organically soak it all in. This way you will get to know who he is and what he stands for and he will know you are genuinely interested in him, always a plus on the dating scale!
6. And last in the area of conversation, be authentic, but don’t overshare! Always stay true to who you are, but don’t tell your entire life’s story on the first date. If you do, then what else is there to look forward to? And, you will exhaust the poor guy on day one. Our brains are only able to take in so much information at one time (and remember, this is a man who is not great at multitasking). Share your story piece by piece, one date at a time, and he will remember you and look forward to the next time he sees you so he can learn more!”
So, do you agree with D’Andra that “The man is the HUNTER, so let him HUNT…DON’T ask a man out”?
I’m asking that question of both women and men. What do you think? I’ve love to hear your opinions in the comments below,
D’Andra Simmons is a businesswoman and philanthropist. She is the founder of Hard Night Good Morning Skincare and an active volunteer for the Dallas community serving on the Advisory Board of Booker T. Washington School for the Performing Arts, volunteering with the Junior League of Dallas, AIDS Services of Dallas or Cattle Baron’s Ball for the American Cancer Society.