A lot of you had questions about “hooking up”… after our last Doing it Digitally…Best Dating Practices with D’Andra post…
D’Andra gave us her thoughts about the dating site Tinder.com.
I had dozens of comments on my facebook including Relationship Expert/Love Coach Jennifer Styers who said “ I hear the feedback from men who sleep with a woman on the first date and the consensus is…respect gone and now it’s all about sex”
That got my curiosity up so I messaged Jennifer and asked her to answer some of my questions. Here are her answers.
You wrote on my facebook post that research shows “hooking up” on the first date leads to a long term, healthy relationship only about 2% of the time. Tell me about that. What research is this and exactly what does it show?
The 2% is for those one nighters that eventually lead to ‘marriage’. The number for one night stands that lead into a ‘relationship’ is closer to 33%. Match.com does polling with their database. We have to keep in mind this is only a certain demographic of people that Match has in it’s database, online dating mostly…so that makes a difference also.
A lot of people will tell you that what started out as a “booty call” ended up turning into true love. So, it does turn out that way sometimes, doesn’t it?
If there is a longer term ‘benefits’ relationship going on there is a higher percentage of that becoming a long term relationship. I believe the numbers are around 45%. Sex DOES bond people together…so going backwards CAN work. There is a hormone released when we are close to someone(cuddling) called Oxytocin. This is the ‘attachment’ hormone…causes us to feel bonded with one another. Explains a lot, huh?
Do you think a lot of women sleep with men on the first date because they just want to have sex or with the hope that theirs will be one of those “success” stories where it leads to a relationship?
Most likely the latter. Women are connectors. They are the romantics. Having said that, I do believe there is a perceived ‘pressure’ on a women that if she doesn’t sleep with a man when he wants to, she will be rejected. Not sure why that is still ‘out there’ given the confidence & independence of women today. Women, as well as men, still want to believe in the fairy tale. It keeps hope alive, right?
I think the last research I saw said the average time a couple has sex now is after the 3rd date. Do you think that’s accurate in Dallas Ft. Worth?
Dallas leads the nation in percentage of singles, both men and women, who are comfortable having sex on the first date. Stats out last year! Sad, but true. Rushing into sex leads us away from the necessary process of ‘getting to know you’. Let’s face it…once you cross the sex line then it’s all about how quick you can jump back in bed. The long, deep, ‘get to know your soul’ conversations take a back seat to the new sex excitement. I actually have many men that have made an agreement with themselves to wait longer before jumping in the sack…it prolongs the process of getting to know a woman, which then complicates things once they do, if there is limited interest and they are already having sex.
When, in your opinion, is the “right time”?
The research shows that the right time is when your intuition says its right. (NOT your hormones or the drinks you had that night) Sex only ruins a relationship if that relationship becomes all about the sex and the courting doesn’t take place. Regardless of our society’s looser sexual morals, women still want to be courted and men still marry the ‘good girl’. There you have it!
So, what do you think? Do you agree with Jennifer, or not? Tell me in the comments below, I’d like to know what you think,
Jennifer Styers has become the “go to girl” in the field of love and relationships. She shares her insights about love on the airways every week, speaking on many National Radio shows and serves as the Relationship Expert for FOX NEWS Radio across the US. She provides audiences with valuable information about love, relationships, marriage, dating and the various obstacles that prevent people from living a life of love. Jennifer also enjoys regular television appearances on various NBC, CBS and FOX Morning and Evening News Programs to discuss the ever changing “rules of engagement” of finding, understanding and keeping love.
With over two decades of experience in the Coaching and Training Industry, helping thousands of men and women across the country, Jennifer’s unequivocally one of the most sought after and top experts in the field of relationships and love.
Love~
Jennifer has playfully been nicknamed the “Love Coach” by her clients, She earned this title because the core of all of her teaching is about LOVE. Love isn’t just a word we use to describe romance–love is an energy and a way of being. Jennifer centers all of her coaching around love and shows her clients how to approach life each day from that place of love. By having this new awareness of love, we are then available to give and receive love.
Jennifer has become the “go to girl” in the field of love and relationships. She shares her insights about love on the airways every week, speaking on many National Radio shows and serves as the Relationship Expert for FOX NEWS Radio across the US. She provides audiences with valuable information about love, relationships, marriage, dating and the various obstacles that prevent people from living a life of love. Jennifer also enjoys regular television appearances on various NBC, CBS and FOX Morning and Evening News Programs to discuss the ever changing “rules of engagement” of finding, understanding and keeping love.
With over two decades of experience in the Coaching and Training Industry, helping thousands of men and women across the country, Jennifer’s unequivocally one of the most sought after and top experts in the field of relationships and love.
Jennifer has playfully been nicknamed the “Love Coach” by her clients, She earned this title because the core of all of her teaching is about LOVE. Love isn’t just a word we use to describe romance–love is an energy and a way of being. Jennifer centers all of her coaching around love and shows her clients how to approach life each day from that place of love. By having this new awareness of love, we are then available to give and receive love.
Jennifer has become the “go to girl” in the field of love and relationships. She shares her insights about love on the airways every week, speaking on many National Radio shows and serves as the Relationship Expert for FOX NEWS Radio across the US. She provides audiences with valuable information about love, relationships, marriage, dating and the various obstacles that prevent people from living a life of love. Jennifer also enjoys regular television appearances on various NBC, CBS and FOX Morning and Evening News Programs to discuss the ever changing “rules of engagement” of finding, understanding and keeping love.
With over two decades of experience in the Coaching and Training Industry, helping thousands of men and women across the country, Jennifer’s unequivocally one of the most sought after and top experts in the field of relationships and love.
Jennifer has playfully been nicknamed the “Love Coach” by her clients, She earned this title because the core of all of her teaching is about LOVE. Love isn’t just a word we use to describe romance–love is an energy and a way of being. Jennifer centers all of her coaching around love and shows her clients how to approach life each day from that place of love. By having this new awareness of love, we are then available to give and receive love.
Jennifer has become the “go to girl” in the field of love and relationships. She shares her insights about love on the airways every week, speaking on many National Radio shows and serves as the Relationship Expert for FOX NEWS Radio across the US. She provides audiences with valuable information about love, relationships, marriage, dating and the various obstacles that prevent people from living a life of love. Jennifer also enjoys regular television appearances on various NBC, CBS and FOX Morning and Evening News Programs to discuss the ever changing “rules of engagement” of finding, understanding and keeping love.
With over two decades of experience in the Coaching and Training Industry, helping thousands of men and women across the country, Jennifer’s unequivocally one of the most sought after and top experts in the field of relationships and love.
I did post-grad work in human development and family studies. One of my professors did a famous study showing married people stay together if they have similar religious, socio-economic, education, and ethnic backgrounds. All of the hoopla about “the pill” was so that women could be as sexually promiscuous as men. So, the real issue here is whether or not you are hedonistic and want to get your “feel good on” or are morally against such depravity; or somewhere in between these to extremes. So, my point is that there are many mediating and moderating factors that determine why two people stay together or not after the first “hook up.” I’m still with my first ever after 35 + years.
Thanks for taking the time to write Jack. As a journalist I always enjoy reading differing points of view. Again, thanks for commenting.
Jane
Match.Com?
It is the biggest scam site in this country!
Like most of the others, they do not research your pic, or telephone # to see if who you say you are is legit!
Their polls are BS…
I agree with some of Jacks views!
On the other hand, if it’s booty one wants only…
Then who is to put a stop watch to it.
LTR?
Save it!
Thanks for your thoughts Mike!