By D’Andra Simmons Want to keep your man fulfilled and in love with you?
The statistics on men and women who stray in an otherwise committed relationship are downright disappointing and otherwise scandalous…no pun intended! So, this week I would like to address more ideas on how to keep your man just where you want him – in a committed relationship with you.
Control: Give it up!
This high pressure tactic is guaranteed to make anyone NOT want do what you want them to do. If you are so insecure that you have to threaten, nag, and strategize about your man’s every move then you need to seek some counseling on why you feel the need to keep such a tight reign. If you don’t trust him is it really worth it to be in a relationship with someone you can’t trust? If you can’t trust your man then it is time to move on.
Are you controlling for a reason, or is this your own personality flaw? Letting loose of the reigns and letting go of the relationship often makes a man want to come home and spend more time with you. At that point it becomes about his decision to be with you instead of you “forcing” him to be there. This makes it a much more pleasant experience for all parties involved. If you have ever been controlled in your life by a parent, an employer, a friend or a lover, I am sure you can relate. If you know how that feels, why would you do it to someone else?
In the realm of control, we also have to address social media, email, texts etc. If you are constantly feeling the need to police your man’s accounts, then what kind of life is that? My husband has a lot of people that follow him because of his notoriety as a photojournalist. He travels as part of his job, and is away from home frequently. There are women that don’t care that he is married and send him inappropriate messages on Facebook. They flirt, mention his beautiful blue eyes, tell him how “hot” he is and ask if he is going to stay married to me or if this is just a phase he is going through (yes, I am serious).
Now, my husband shows all of this communication to me because it is so ridiculous and we laugh about it. Quite frankly, I was pretty shocked at how bold, brazen and aggressive some women can be even when they know a man is married or in a committed relationship. I am not inclined to research his emails and Facebook messages even though this is the case, as I am very secure in our relationship. If you find yourself wanting to or having to check your man’s every message, then see paragraph 2 about trust. I’ll just leave it at that. A happy and fulfilled man won’t care if Angelina Jolie comes on to him. He knows what he has at home is the best thing around and he is not about to mess it up with some strange!
Keep yourself fit because you will feel sexier about yourself and you will want to have sex. I know this to be true for me. Since my husband and I married I have gained, lets say, a few pounds. J I am well aware of this fact and I am working on shedding the extra weight. My husband still loves me and finds me extremely sexy, and luckily is not the type of man to bring up my shortcomings. In his mind he’s into me and loves me for all of me—not just the way I may or may not look in my La Perla today. He also knows that I am not one to let myself go to the point of no return. We work out together and he supports me when I say let’s eat healthier or take a walk. We are in this marriage as a team, and he is there to help me and not to hurt me, or run me into the ground verbally or otherwise.
Note to the women… this is VERY important. Ladies- suck it up. If you feel fat and ugly, don’t say it aloud to your man. In his mind, he doesn’t see you that way and you don’t want to give him any reason to think you are anything but fabulous, sexy and the beautiful unicorn he chose for a mate. If you don’t feel hot and sexy because you have a problem with your body image, then most probably you won’t want to have sex with your guy, because you are worried about that new love handle that just sprouted that you just know he will notice—trust me, when he is making love to you he isn’t noticing that five pounds you have gained. If you refuse to have sex with your guy because of YOUR insecurities then he most likely will not understand this reasoning. Men are simple creatures. Don’t complicate hormones! He will feel rejected if you refuse him sex and think it is about him. The “she doesn’t want me” thoughts will pervade his mind, and sooner or later he will find a woman that feels sexy and secure and into her arms he will go… no matter if she has five or twenty-five pounds on you!
Initiate sex with your man! You don’t have to be a sex goddess or a pin-up girl, and remember, we are talking about couples that are married or in a committed relationship—not a one night stand or a second date, let’s be clear on that fact! The fact that you made the first move towards the bedroom or the kitchen or whatever you are into, makes him feel desirable. It is so simple, but it gets over looked by a lot of women.
Flirting isn’t just for courtship it keeps the passion alive. Flirting is fun and will make you feel more spontaneous. It will also make him feel more desired, which works in your favor. If a man knows he is desired, he will desire you more as well.
Rumor has it at the very least a married man will be happy with sex – 7 minutes 3X a week! I know you are all laughing out loud right now, and when I heard this I laughed as well. We are all busy, overwhelmed and over stressed these days, and making time to have sex can be a challenge when you are exhausted after a long day of trying to juggle work, kids and social commitments. However, in reality there should be no time limit on sexual activity to keep the sparks alive. A little sexual contact goes a long way for a man and keeps him happy. Don’t stress yourself out on having to achieve “sex marathons” at home. This is real life, not a porn movie. A little constant affection and playfulness can achieve wonders for keeping the love and chemistry alive!
Finally, showing your guy you want to have sex with him will mean the world to him, and you won’t be worrying about whether or not he is engaging in any extra curricular activities. He will be too busy chasing you around the house because you are not always rejecting his sexual advances or complaining of a headache. In fact, you are surprising him with some advances of your own. Below are some interesting statistics, provided by Readers Digest, some may surprise you. Here’s to keeping the sparks alive and the sheets aflame!
- For both men and women a healthy, happy sexual relationship is crucial: Overall, 93% of respondents agreed on the importance of a good sex life. By the sexes, more than half of men reported it is extremely important, compared to 40% of women reported it is very important.
- More than 50% of women and 68% of men describe their sex life as predictable. Men rated sex position as the most predictable (54%) aspect of their sex lives while women chose location (67%).
- While married sex may be predictable—that doesn’t mean couples aren’t happy with their under-the-sheets action. Especially husbands: 80% of men reported being very happy with their sex life, compared to 60% of women
- While 79% of men think their wives are happy with their sex lives, only 60% of women say they actually are. Women, on the other hand, sell themselves short: 55% think their husbands are satisfied while 77% of men rate themselves as very happy.
- We want sex – right now! Or at least, men do: 35% of men are currently in the mood to have sex, which significantly higher than women (11%).
Here is the link to the full article if you want to know more.
D’Andra Simmons is a businesswoman and philanthropist. She is the founder of Hard Night Good Morning Skincare and an active volunteer for the Dallas community serving on the Advisory Board of Booker T. Washington School for the Performing Arts, volunteering with the Junior League of Dallas, AIDS Services of Dallas or Cattle Baron’s Ball for the American Cancer Society.