“There are your “tinder girls” and there are girls you want to ask out on a date”…

When D’Andra sent me this week’s Doing It Digitally…Best Dating Practices with D’Andra she said…

Here is this week’s blog. The comments are from other people’s stories and nothing I made up—just FYI. I interviewed a lot of people both women and men about this article. Harsh reality!”

I hope you’ll read what D’Andra  wrote, and then after you do, I have a couple of questions for you at the bottom.

 

“Tinder is NOT so Tender

I don’t even know what to say to the latest dating craze—well, not exactly, I have a lot to say, it just may not be printable in a blog format! Tinder has left me feeling sorry for our society as a whole.

If you haven’t tried Tinder, it will at least give you a laugh of sorts if you do. The objective is to download your image and swipe others images that appear attractive to you (note a right swipe is good). If you are both within a certain mile radius and mutually attracted to each other, the app lets you start messaging to make “plans”. Of course, we all want every single man that we don’t know to find out our GPS location so he can stalk us and prey on us…right?? SCARY!! Serial killer stuff in the making!

The main issue with the Tinder dating site is that it takes superficiality to an entirely new level. You are only choosing a date based on someone’s posted image and nothing else. A lot of people can take pretty pictures—one just needs an IPhone and a good app like Snapseed, and voilá you’re in business.

Verbatim from a girlfriend…girl meets cute pilot on Tinder. They chat for a week, not on the phone mind you, but by text messaging on the app. The pilot does not ask her on a proper date or to meet somewhere for a drink etc. He says, and I will quote, “Let’s get the BS out of the way and get down to it and just F…! Don’t you know what Tinder is? It is basically a hook-up site.” Interesting way to woo a woman, don’t you think??

As one guy we interviewed for this article put it, “There are your “tinder girls” and there are girls you want to ask out on a date. It’s pretty cut and dried, and the women are just as bold and brash as the men on the site and are “in the know” as to what the site is about.” From my research this week, I have discovered that both men and women see it as a “hook-up” site. Hands down this is the consensus. It is also a site where older men prey on younger women to “hook-up” with as well with no repercussions (well maybe an STD) or fear of attachment.

Another story I heard featured a man meeting a girl on the site and actively engaging her in conversation while he um…pleasured himself…really?? I thought there were special phone numbers for that sort of thing? And yet, another man actually invited a girl out to meet him at a restaurant and said he had 20-30 minutes for a drink. When she arrived she discovered that the restaurant was closed for a private party. He met her at the bar for a drink, didn’t feel like inviting her to the dinner he was attending because she wasn’t cute enough and didn’t want anyone to see him with her, so he dismissed her after half an hour so he could attend the dinner. The same guy had no problem calling her that night after many drinks and asking her to guess what???…“hook-up.”

Talk about Base with a capital B. As Vogue magazine put it in their recent article, The Tinder Outfit That Will Have Him Swipe Right, Tinder, the majestic and so-brazenly-shallow-it’s-depressing matchmaking app, is now relatively de rigueur when it comes to seeking out your next hot date.” HMM….This is definitely a time when I am thankful for being able to check the “M” box on personal and medical information forms.

D’Andra’s Final Thoughts

Men and women who utilize this app should not expect a “real” or healthy relationship, unless what you want is a “real trashy” relationship! It is known by both sexes to be purely for “hooking-up”. In my opinion, Tinder is a way to validate your animalistic urges and absolve your guilty feelings about just purely wanting to have sex with someone you don’t know without using an escort service. Women should hold themselves to a more lady-like and higher standard, and this app dismisses that expectation. So many women are complaining about not meeting quality men and seeking healthy relationships. I think in no time Tinder will have lost its spark and the embers will soon burn out. Tinder encourages men to treat all women the same…as if we all were users of this app and we are all looking for a one night stand. Not true…end of story!”

 

Jane’s Question

Is using Tinder or “hooking-up” for a one night stand shooting yourself in the foot if you’re looking for a long term healthy relationship? Why do you think most women use Tinder?  Because they hope it will lead to something more than a one night stand? Or because they really just want to “hook-up”?

And finally,  can “hooking-up” ever lead to love? 

I’d love to see what you think in the comments below!

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D’Andra Simmons is a businesswoman and philanthropist.  She is the founder of Hard Night Good Morning Skincare and an active volunteer for the Dallas community serving on the Advisory Board of Booker T. Washington School for the Performing Arts, volunteering with the Junior League of Dallas, AIDS Services of Dallas or Cattle Baron’s Ball for the American Cancer Society.