Sometimes when I look at Facebook I wonder “what were you thinking?!” “Why would you want to tell…
everyone about that? How much is too much to share on Facebook? Or twitter? Have you ever seen a post and wondered “why would they share that???”
Here’s Best Dating Practices with D’Andra.
The Plight of the Oversharer
“Recently, I have noticed a disturbing trend for people to “overshare” online with regards to personal relationships. I like to refer to this as emotional oversharing, because it is obvious to me that a person who was thinking clearly would never post their dirty laundry or the emotional trauma going on in their lives on the spur of the moment!
When I was growing up a woman with the pen name Ann Landers wrote a very successful advice column that everyone would eagerly anticipate each morning. It was as essential for housewives as reading their daily horoscope, whether it conflicted with their religious beliefs or not, because it was entertainment and a departure from their everyday ho hum life of laundry, children rearing and meal planning. This was back in the day when people actually read newspapers. I remember my mother and grandmother always discussing the good sound advice Ann would mete out each day.
The most important advice I ever read or even remember from an Ann Landers column went something like this, and I will paraphrase as it has been a very long time since I have read it, “In a new relationship do not discuss any of your problems, baggage (emotional or otherwise) or former relationships. For example, do not tell the other person that your significant other cheated on you, was jealous of you, or carefully monitored your checkbook. In addition, mentioning your unstable job history or multiple careers within a short span of time, your fear of never getting married, or how no one has ever seemed to understand your point of view. In fact, it is best to avoid anything negative at all about your past. Don’t reveal everything you know, because if you do, the other person is most probably going to come back at some later date and throw it up in your face during a disagreement to “one up” you.” Any deviation from this formula throws up red flags.” Well, guess what? Ann was spot on. The same advice holds true for social media. Unfortunately, today because of social media we are more apt to kill any relationship or hopes of one because our postings on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc., prevent us from even attaining that first date.
Now back to what is on everyone’s mind…when should you share? After you have established a trusting relationship with another person it is okay to answer questions that you feel comfortable answering. Also, you must ALWAYS be truthful. Never keep important and essential information from someone like when they ask you if you have been married before and you say, “No”, although you have been married several times. Be honest, but always be a little reserved to keep the relationship mysterious.
Keep this in mind when posting online. No man or woman is going to contact you if they read all of your baggage, garbage or former mate bashing. This will substantially reduce your appeal on the dating scene because no one wants to be entangled in an endless web of problems, and everyone is looking for a fresh start…aren’t you, or you wouldn’t be on the dating scene!
In conclusion, my father always said to my mom, “One thing about you I know for certain, you will never be boring. You always keep me guessing. I don’t know when I come home at night from work if I’m going to find out you sold the house, we are going on a trip somewhere or you have purchased a new dog!” Whatever she did, it worked to keep them happily married for 38 years!
Stay tuned for Part 2 of “Oversharing” next week. I’ll get specific if you are confused!”
D’Andra Simmons is a businesswoman and philanthropist. She is the founder of Hard Night Good Morning Skincare and an active volunteer for the Dallas community serving on the Advisory Board of Booker T. Washington School for the Performing Arts, volunteering with the Junior League of Dallas, AIDS Services of Dallas or Cattle Baron’s Ball for the American Cancer Society.