Are you just being a brat? Or do you have a reason to be worried, if he didn’t get you anything…
for Valentines Day?
I think what D’Andra says is pretty interesting!
By D’Andra Simmons
Do Unto Others – Take a Tip From the Man Above – The One Who Gets it Right
These last few days I have been able to reflect on what a wonderful husband I have, and how he makes each occasion, whether it is special to him or not, special for me. I am TRULY lucky in that regard. In the past few days I have had several women mention to me that their significant other did not remember Valentine’s Day last week…even though it was on a Saturday. You had to be blind and hiding under a rock not to notice it was coming up…on a weekend even!! Give me a break!!
Men come up with all sorts of excuses as to why they do not recognize Valentine’s Day. There is always the, “I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because it is a “made up” holiday, and an effort for the greeting card and gift industry to “rake it in” while emptying every man’s bank account by charging three times the normal amount for flowers, chocolate and jewelry” excuse. Then there’s my favorite, “I don’t understand why we have to celebrate this day in particular, when I celebrate you every day, baby”, excuse! Really?? Exactly how were you celebrating me with your buddies out at the Lodge the other night?? And last, “I’m too busy to celebrate fake holidays, or I’m traveling, it slipped my mind, and going out to eat on Valentine’s Day is for amateurs just like New Year’s Eve, so I am not interested.” And the formidable, “I didn’t think it was important to you” – even though you have reminded your guy every two days for the past two weeks.
One of the best excuses I have heard as to why a friend did not get a gift or a card from her man is, “I thought I would just take you to the store later on in the week and you could pick something out yourself”. Translation – I didn’t have time to get you a gift because it wasn’t important to me. I had much more important things to do this week than get you a Valentine’s card and gift to show you how much you mean to me. I am the MOST important thing in MY life. And my happiness really doesn’t depend on YOUR happiness as they are not symbiotic. You are a far second, third or fourth priority on my “to do” list!
Ok ladies, listen up. All of this is total BS! I know my mom won’t like that I called it that, but let’s call a spade a spade or just call HIM a self-centered narcissist. I actually prefer the latter. If you want to put up with this kind of behavior then I suggest you stop reading my article right now because what I have to say will be of no interest to you. If you want to stop this kind of behavior in its tracks then here is what to do.
There is no need to settle (and yes you are settling if you allow a man to feed you this excuse crap) for anything less than what is important to you. And, if Valentine’s Day is it, then so be it! Same with your Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas, Kid’s Birthday, Dog’s Birthday etc. Whatever it is then that is OKAY!
Relationships are about compromise. There are certain things I don’t want to do, but my husband really likes to do. And you know why I do them? I do them because I love him, and these things are important to him. Now, these things I am referring to are completely innocuous. I am not talking about anything that is hurtful to me or compromises my value system. I am talking about going to soccer games, for example. Not really my cup of tea, especially in the heat of a hot Dallas summer night, but he likes soccer, so I am going to suck it up and go with him every so often because it makes him happy and HE IS WORTH IT!
The same rule applies to a man and what is important to you. You are worth it! He can and should make the effort to keep you happy and cherish you by celebrating the things you love. You should not be made to feel guilty about asking him to honor these small requests. Today I am writing about Valentine’s Day because so many of my women friends have complained that their man was less than enthusiastic about the holiday this year, and what they did do was done half-heartedly (I really think half-assed is a more suitable term, but there is my mom shaking her finger at me in the back of my head). If you are in a similar situation to what I am describing then it is time to express yourself, and I mean loud and clear. If you don’t tell your man what you want, then he will continue to go on year after year business as usual with no change in his MO. You will live a life of no cards, no flowers, no jewelry, no dinners and no acknowledgement on Valentine’s Day, all the while your office building looks like an overflow from FTD storage while you sit in your cubicle bare desk, walls and all! Isn’t that special….NOT!
This is the time to spell it out, so to speak. If you want a card, flowers, chocolate, or jewelry on Valentine’s Day then let him know that this day means something to you and you want to celebrate it, even if he doesn’t think it is a viable occasion. If your man continues to behave like a curmudgeon and defend his “no celebration” policy, then you need to make some serious decisions. Is this the way you want to live your life, or do you deserve someone better who sacrifices their wants and desires to make you happy from time to time? If you put up with this behavior now in a small way, then if you decide to marry this man or decide on a long-term commitment, he most probably will disappoint you in a BIG way later on down the line (like when he doesn’t show up for the birth of your first child, for example) because he will put himself first and you always second, third or fourth etc., and that means he will put his children and your children behind his needs and wants too. Not the way I want to live out the rest of my life! For those of you reading this article and seeing $$ signs about now, not to worry. A man can make you dinner, a homemade card or another token of affection, if he is low on funds at the moment. The point is he planned ahead because YOU are important to him.
I finally decided in my life that I wasn’t going to settle anymore or put up with bad behavior from a man. And guess what? When I finally started respecting myself enough to demand respect from others, I found a man who cherishes me, adores me and sacrifices for me from time to time when he knows it is important to me. The pendulum fluctuates both ways. I do the same for him, even if I am sweating my booty off at a soccer game!
The Bible says, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you”. This starts with integrity AND service….service to another person. It means sacrificing your wants and desires for the needs of another person. This is the kind of selfless unconditional love you should seek out when seeking a life partner. Take my advice. Just having someone who isn’t worth having isn’t really having anyone at all. Hold out for the one who will love you, cherish you, sacrifice for you and adore you. By the way, I got two flower arrangements and two cards from my husband this Valentine’s Day! He loves me and I love him!!
D’Andra Simmons is a businesswoman and philanthropist. She is the founder of Hard Night Good Morning Skincare and an active volunteer for the Dallas community serving on the Advisory Board of Booker T. Washington School for the Performing Arts, volunteering with the Junior League of Dallas, AIDS Services of Dallas or Cattle Baron’s Ball for the American Cancer Society.